Day 42 - Being a Burden on others

I have an experienced myself many times as being a burden on those around me. this experience makes it hard for me to ask for help because I come to ask for help from within a starting point of believing that I'm a burden/nuisance , and then as a result I create myself as burden/nuisance and the other being will pick up on it, and treat me as such. I then will go into my victimized character as if I'm this helpless being that, on the one hand, needs the other being's help, and on the other hand blame them for being impatient with me. Within this I manipulate myself into believing that they are the cause for my feeling as a nuisance/burden, not allowing myself to see that I have created the situation through my starting point as the self belief of being a burden.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am a burden on others

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ask for help from a starting point of believing I am a burden, within that not realizing that I am creating myself as a burden through participating within/as the starting point of believing I am a burden

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame others for giving me a feeling that I am a burden to them while they help me and give me assistance, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that the point of blame is actually reflecting me back to me because I know within self honesty that I am the cause/responsible for my feeling of being a burden through participation within the starting point of being a burden, and thus I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I am the sole creator of myself as a burden within feeling I am a burden/nuisance to others, and thus I realize that no one else is to blame for the experience I create within/as myself through my  direct participation as my starting point

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe myself to be a burden based on memories of people making fun of me for asking too many questions, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live in the past as memory and to recreate the past experience/emotion through participating within the starting point of that which I brought as myself from the past, thus not allowing myself to get our of the loop as I keep recreating it again and again through memory

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ask for assistance/help within a starting point of desire for attention, within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself , when I recognize that the other is not giving me the attention I am looking for and thus I will not get the high energy I wanted, to allow myself to go into the polarity of believing I am being a burden, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react within/as emotions when I do not get the attention I was looking for, and  to be directed by the emotion within the desire for feeling good while avoiding feeling bad, thus to manipulate myself within the situation to create a good feeling within/as myself, instead of allowing myself to see within/as self honesty how this construct play out, and stopping myself from participating within/as it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate those around me through asking their help in order to get attention, and within that to then blame them when they do not give me the 'loving' attention I was hoping for, instead of taking self responsibility for myself within realizing the deception/manipulation I have been participating within only for my own self interest as getting a high energetic feeling at the expense of others, and then when I do not get what I wanted I become spiteful within blaming them for making me feel like I am a burden, while I have allowed the situation to unfold through my desire for attention/good feelings

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing to learn/investigate the point I am asking for help in regards to, and thus not allowing myself to be independent within the point, but instead I'd rather abdicate my responsibility within allowing myself to count/depend on others instead of walking the process of learning how to apply myself and thus not be dependent but able to stand independently, within this I realize that there are points that will take time for me to learn thus I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be patient with myself within learning something new but instead to define myself as "I'm not good at that" or "I don't know that" and thus to not allow myself to approach that point within practicality, and thus stay in the loop of asking others to assist me with points I am able within self honesty to learn and assist myself with

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to prefer not knowing how to do things and then be dependent on others to help me, rather then taking the time and walking the process to learn the point for myself, within this I realize that each time I ask for help in regards a point I know I could have learnt to do myself if I had given myself the opportunity, I go into the character of "I'm a burden" as a form of punishment of experiencing guilt for not knowing that which I was lazy to learn, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to instead of once and for all learning the point within stopping the self belief that "I cannot do it" I go into guilt/shame and within that to the character of "I'm a burden" thus remaining in the loop of mind as characters, feeding off each other and creating more energy through conflict/emotions.

I commit myself to when I see myself experiencing myself as being a burden when asking for help, I stop myself and breathe, I check my starting point, I look at am I asking something from laziness/desire for attention or do I actually need assistance, if I see that I need the assistance I breathe and commit myself to get the help I need without allowing thoughts of me being a burden to possess me, within realizing that within those thought I allow myself to become a burden, if I see that I am asking from a starting point of being lazy/desire for attention, I stop myself within breath, and get off my ass and do what needs to be done through supporting myself to assist myself

I commit myself to take responsibility within learning points that I can assist myself with, and within that I commit myself to be patient with myself and allow myself to go through the process of learning new points to assist me with, and to stop myself within/as breath when I go into the belief of "I don't know how to do it" because I realize this is self manipulation to abdicate responsibility, and thus I stop.